There is a greatness in you.

Courage. Desire. Integrity.

Virtue. Compassion.

Dignity. Loyalty. Love.

Its in there –

somewhere.

And sometimes

it takes suffering

to get at it.

Its in there.

~ Rob Bell, Drops like Stars.

Here I stand
With a hope that grace instills in me
I surrender everything I am to You

Live in me
Let my life reflect You constantly
As I open up my heart
As I offer up my soul
I lay my dreams in Your hands

This is what I know
That You are God of all
And I will trust you always, always

Never walk alone
Resting in the hope
That You will hold me always, always

I open up my heart
Offer up my soul

I have a vision,
That one day I will be able to extend beyond myself, that I will one day be able to love and give of myself without fear.

I have a vision,
That one day I will know what it means to be completely loved, secure and adored by God.

I have a vision,
That one day I will be able to grace and mercy without expecting anything back.

I have a vision,
That one day I will be used to do something great for God. That I will be an irreplaceable role of a shared adventure.

I have a vision,
That one day I will be able to move past the pain of my childhood with a renewed commitment to make good choices.

I have a vision,
That one day I will have the courage and perseverance to do the hard things. That I will have what it takes.

I have a vision,
That one day I will see past seeing ‘me’ and I’ll finally see you.

So I was at school walking down the hall this morning. I walked past classrooms, peeking into the windows, seeing students interacting with their teachers and with each other – I have to admit, as dorky as it sounds, it warmed my heart.

I think secretly I wanted to be a career student, that is, someone who is a student for pretty much most of their lives. These are people who never end up getting a job but just go from course to course studying and living the student lifestyle. I liked high school, maybe not the academics of it, but I definitely liked the friends and the socialising. Nowadays its  slightly different.

Learning is something I really enjoy and something that does energise me. I love sitting with my intellectual friends and hearing them talk about meaning and various aspects about how our world operates. I love learning and hearing about things I never even think about, things that don’t even pass my daily thoughts (which are usually on the most part, pretty self absorbed), for example CERN’s  Large Hadron Collider.

I believe that learning is about opening your mind up to endless possibilities. Broadening our world and perspective. Its about being able to make the most informed choices we can.

I think I am a fairly naturally inquisitive person. I want to know everything. And I also like to know about people, who you they, what makes them happy, what makes them tick. I guess that sort of make sense, me working in a school and all. Being in a place where there is learning and there is people. Some of the times I feel most alive is when I am with my students and we are interacting and discussing. Its almost like I can feel my brain juices being churned around my head. Sometimes I walk out of my classes and I feel so alive and so good about life. It is a really strange high.

I don’t know if all people feel this way about their jobs sometimes. But I have to admit though I feel that teaching can be a very draining and tiresome job (I really hate marking, and I really hate administration!) there are definitely aspects of it that deeply satisfy something inside my very core.

And like most jobs, some days I feel like I am doing absolutely nothing to make a difference in my world. I feel like my words are bouncing off their heads and it all seems a bit hopeless.  And then I get a random email from a student that shows me that something in the way I related to them has opened the eyes of at least one person and it made a difference  (even if it is small) in their world.

This is a most intensely satisfying feeling.

The human heart is delicate.

Beyond muscle, chambers and veins; there within lies the dwelling place of our spirit, emotions and will. For this, the heart is a beautiful thing in all it represents.

It is more than a muscle.

It contains the essence of who we are, it is the space that God instills all that we are called to be. And yet something of such great worth is so easily fractured.

Even my own fragility sometimes surprises me.

So here I am again, awake, when I should be asleep.

Tired and bleary eyed, I am sitting here in front of my laptop. Wishing I could write something magnificently insightful that would express the knot of imagery and fragmented commentary that’s been churning inside my belly for the past couple days.

But, I am unable to articulate past the words “I think…“