Tomorrow is my 28th birthday and life is messy.

At 28 I thought I would have more or less of life figured out. By the time I turned 30 I envisioned I would have it all together. My life would be straightforward and purposeful.

Life isn’t.

Life as it appears is incredible messy and complicated.

We are managing our lives with ‘to do’ lists and bills to pay, meetings to attend and emails to write. We manage our diets and our bedsheets. We keep on moving all the while carrying so many things in our life. Lugging around all the words and aspersions anyone has ever cast on us, with no place, it feels, to lay them down.

Where do you place the questions you carry?

The heartache and the joy? Your quiet worries? Where can you let yourself spill over into truth as messy and new and raw as it sometimes feels?

One of the hardest thing in life I believe, is laying down all those things that we carry. All those desperate attempts to save our selves from heartache, idleness and self contempt. We cover our true and messy selves with as much charisma and articulation we can muster. We carefully build a glamorous window into our life for others to see and hope people are happy to window shop. And we have become experts at keeping them out.

I believe we must begin to unravel ourselves. We must unwind the tight little ball we have worked ourselves into and release it to God, knowing He will not solve all our problems straight away but He is in the process of untangling who we are becoming.

At 28 years old I am realising life is a rather messy place but I am learning that that’s ok.

I am not aiming for a pretty life, I am aiming for release.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 30th, 2010 at 9:30 am and is filed under Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.